When it comes to writing direct mail, less is usually more. You need sufficient words to deliver your message and spark emotions but beyond that, each additional word dilutes the essence of what you want to say.
We recently received this piece of direct mail on the left from Amnesty International Australia. These are the three key panels.
The first panel the reader sees is strong: a well known line, entirely appropriate to the cause, cleverly reappropriated.
On the left is the second panel the reader sees. It’s obviously leading to a third panel. A three-part format is a standard for movies, jokes or direct mail. However it would benefit from a trim.
This is our recommended edit for the second panel: shorter, sharper.
The third panel, here on the left, aims to create a response in the reader. Perhaps this line would have sufficed; Use your right to speak out.
This is even shorter and more pointed.
So much for our unsolicited advice – use the comments section to make yours.